The sweet Christmas time
Written by Charlotte Secher Jensen
Edited by Heidi Secher Santander
Christmas is probably the holiday I love the most. But I also think Christmas is the ultimate test in managing the spoon theory*. With a never-ending to do list of tasks and wonderful traditions. A list I made myself. I know. It doesn't take into account how I feel. Whether I have a gout flare-up, am exhausted or am doing okay.
Holding on to traditions…
Everyday life can be challenging enough as a chronically ill person without the many time-consuming traditions that almost all start with the word Christmas – Christmas presents, Christmas cookies, Christmas lunch and so on. I try to stick to the traditions. Preferably as many as possible, because they mean something to me. But if I also cling convulsively to the words many and all, and only do it all in December, then they start well enough with Christmas, but they will definitely end with me getting sick again from overexertion and lying on the couch the first week of January with swollen, sore joints and with fibromyalgia dancing around. My arthritic body simply can't take this race any longer.
...but remember to jump over where the fence is lowest
That's why in some situations I've learned to jump over the lowest hurdle. I've always been terrible at high jump. So it's not unusual for me to find some good strategies and creative ways to get through the to-do list more easily. Preferably in a satisfying way, where I still think everything is exactly how I want it to be when Christmas is celebrated.
It's not something I've learned from one year to the next. It's taken time. I've swallowed camels and said no thanks. But I've also chosen to – chosen what I had the energy and desire to do, but also prioritized what I had to do. Over a long period of time, I've also said yes to far too much. Over the years, however, I've become more aware of what I can tolerate, what is most important, and how it works best for me and my family.
Here I'll share a little bit about how I do it. It may not be the right way for you. Maybe you've already found a good way to plan it all. But if you could use some inspiration and tips so that you still have the energy and desire to enjoy the holidays, then read on.
My 9 tips for a sweet Christmas time
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Lower your expectations.
I remind myself to lower my expectations of myself, and of what I should do, and what I can do. But most importantly – what I can’t do. I also remind myself to say, “Never mind. It’ll have to wait until tomorrow.” It’s easier said than done. It’s still hard for me to look at things that way, because I want it all so badly.
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Plan well in advance
I start planning already in October. There I find my list with notes from the previous year. Many stores have started to find Christmas things, so I look in the closets. I check what is missing in terms of gift wrapping paper, gift ribbons and cards. I start wrapping 24 things for an advent calendar for a family member. I have bought those gifts throughout the year and put them in a box. If I get good ideas for gifts with a short shelf life, I throw a note in the box so I remember my thoughts and know where the note is.
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Write down the good ideas
My memory is like a sieve when I have too much on my mind, am in pain or am tired. I can have a brilliant idea, and the next day it has quietly seeped out of my mind and will probably never come back. It's a bit of a shame. That's why I always have a pad lying around. If I write it down, I don't have to spend energy remembering it.
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Keep an eye out with the warehouse
I check the advertisements regularly and go through the cupboards. On the to do list I write down what I am running out of in terms of flour, sugar, etc. I know what I need and can therefore buy it when it is on sale. I shop a few times a week and preferably somewhere where I can order via an app, drive to the location and have the goods delivered directly to my trunk.
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Get wish lists – and buy online
In November I ask for wish lists. Should the gifts be sent or delivered somewhere? Once I have that under control, I buy the gifts, often online. It saves time and energy. During that period of preparation, the word buy is at the top of most sentences on the to-do list. Because even though I plan and start shopping and Christmas gifts earlier and earlier, there is always something that throws the whole plan off track. The arthritis doesn't care at all that it's Christmas. Either it's completely crazy about celebrating it with me, or it's not. You never know.
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Will the baked goods be eaten?
The sweet Christmas season is approaching, and in last year's scribbles there is a note to myself. Bake not five kinds, but three kinds of cookies. Maybe you should buy two of them and bake only one? You don't have to buy or make confectionery. Nobody wants to eat it. Does it work? Not quite. But still. I'm dealing with it and hope that in the future I'll learn. I'll put some of the homemade cookies in the freezer, because then they can stay fresh longer and be enjoyed after Christmas too. That's how much I've learned.
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Use a calendar – even for breaks
I have a calendar for December and write down my plans to get a better overview. But mostly to take care of myself. I constantly adjust my plans. Because maybe I do more than planned because I have a good day. I take advantage of that and can then relax the next day and take long breaks if it is one of those days that needs it. I get some time to do nothing and recharge. I always try to have a day with a lot of things to do and small breaks and the day after a rest day with few things to do.
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You don't have to be the perfect host.
Christmas Eve and the days after can be stressful. There are so many traditions to keep track of, and you can also feel pressured by the role of host because you want everything to be perfect and just like usual. But does it have to be? Isn't it just something you think about yourself? How do you be a perfect host, and what does it take for any guests to also think it's a wonderful Christmas Eve?
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Aligning expectations with the family
I've started asking about that. We'll align expectations. No one has the same traditions. They may not be crazy about dessert on Christmas Eve, but believe that the main course is one of the most important elements of Christmas dinner. When you say Christmas dinner, I think of brown gravy, potatoes, meat and side dishes. If the dessert isn't going to be eaten, why waste energy making it? If it's important to the guests, maybe they could bring it? And you don't have to make it all on December 24th. For example, you can easily set the table the day before. Hopefully, that will give you time to relax on the sofa for the Disney Christmas show before the guests arrive.
Peaceful and quiet New Year
Every year I want to be ahead of Christmas, but it always comes as a bit of a surprise to my body. So New Year's Eve is best spent quietly at home with husband and animals. I don't need to celebrate exactly the last day of the year. I'd rather celebrate all the others. The ones where I've made it through without feeling like I've crawled over the fence with arthritis and difficulty. I hide my notes for next Christmas in the box with room for 24 small gifts. I mark them and make a list of New Year's resolutions in my mind, just before I fall asleep. They're probably forgotten the next day. But the wish for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all, that's remembered.
*The spoon theory
The Spoon Theory is a story about two friends. One asks the other what it's like to be sick. The person with the illness tries to explain. They talk about energy levels, choosing activities and the consequences of doing so, learning to slow down, and strategies. It's hard to explain and even harder to understand. So the person with the illness finds 12 teaspoons and divides the day's tasks into teaspoons. They talk about the difference in their day and what they each use their energy on, as well as what happens if the person with the illness runs out of spoons.
If you don't know the spoon theory and want to read it, you can find it online.
